Monday, September 8, 2014

It's been awhile ( In the memories of Ma Tua and Babu rini)- Al Fatiha

so, Asslamualaikum and hi. Well this is awkward. This blog has been empty of updates since 2012. That was like 2 years ago. So I guess many stuff has happened during the past 2 years. Would love to mention all but I forgot many of them already, and I bet those memories were one of the best in my life.

so what's the highlight?

Ma Tua passed away on March 24, 2014 this year. It was due to some kind of infection in her lungs. She was 54 years old (1960-2014). may Allah bless her soul, aamiin. Much beloved mother.  I would say that was one of the saddest moment in my life.

So who was she? her real name was "Abnah binti Mansiul/Mansil) ,she was my biological mom's older sister (by 4 years), since she wasn't able to have any children, my brother and I grew up with her (since my biological mom was working). She fend for all of our needs when we were kids and later on till I entered university, until she fell ill.

I loved and cared for her like she was my biological mother, when she was sick I tried to spend as much time with her, because I guess I know that , she wasn't going to be with us for much longer. I guess I always had that thought (of she passing away) for he most part of my University life. I always prepared myself, in terms of spending time with her, so that I would not feel guilty of not doing so and at the same time try to make her happy in the later part of her days.

I even made a recording of her conversation with me , so that when she dies, I don't want to forget how she sounds like. as afraid of loosing the recording, I later upload it to Youtube for and eternal storage (hopefully)

Though I wish she was alive today, I guess Allah cared for her the most. She was ill for the past few years, and it was very hard to see her struggling, especially during the last few days. I guess in someway, death was the release of all that pain.

I love her so much and she's never far away from my prayers everyday.

In an ideal world she would be with us still and be healthy , but I guess it's was already written, and I feel privileged to  have her for the most part of my life. You see from my perspective, I think she had a wonderful life. She managed to live till the age of 54! it's not so bad if you compare to all those people who  died even before they are 30. So in someway she was lucky(minus the disease of course) and in someway we were too lucky to have her.

I had so much memories with her, when I think about it, it looks so unreal. Now after 6 months of her passing, I can still feel that she is still around, maybe not physically, but always in our minds and heart.

my funniest memory with her I guess, when I was a kid and I had a fight with her. haha. Good memories. there were that time when sold ice creams together in our old house, I was around 9 then. There was her stories of when she grew up with mom and many other stuff. I still remembered teaching her the difference between '$' and "RM' when I was 9. I still remember hiding from her after I made a 999 call.

her cookings was the best! I  love the way she cooks vegetables! if it weren't for her, I would never love to eat veggies! And she knows what I like to eat, what kind of meal. Too bad I didn't have the chance to learn from her.

A regret for me I guess that I wasn't with her at the moment she passed away. However in someway she managed to say goodbye to me. how? after returning from the hospital, I was at home in my room, then suddenly a song by Fynn Jamal came out. It was the Arjuna song (first time hearing it). The song was about a mother singing to her infant son,giving him advises when he'll grow up and when after she's gone. When the song played, I can imagine all the time I had with her growing up and all the things she would say to me, the lyrics of the song was so touching at  that time, I could feel it in my heart. When the song ended, abah got a call from the hospital telling him that she was gone. masha'Allah. If only my heart was visible at that time.

In a Way , Allah has managed for me and her to say goodbye through that song when she passed away even when I wasn't with her at that time. Indeed Allah works in mysterious ways that we'll never see or see but can't understand. Subahan'Allah.

I miss the way she used to stroll my hair with her fingers. I miss that the most I guess.

Forever be loved and missed, Ma Tua,

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